DEMON'S PLAN OF DOOMY DOOM!
by HawkWithGlasses
Summary: CARNAGE! COMEDY! DRAMA! DOOM! and...be it, PIGGIES! Nny gets kidnapped by a demon wanting to create it's own doomy army made entirely of Nny clones! Devi and Squee team up and try to save the world's greatest nightmare! slight J/D. rated T for L&V.
1. Johnny Likes Cherry BrainFreezies

**Hello and welcome to my little story here. I do hope you enjoy reading this. Rating might change in later chapters. Can't think of much to say. Oh yeah...forgot to add one important thing! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Johnny, Devi, or Squee or any other characters from JtHM. They belong to the genius that is Jhonen Vasquez. **

**Plot:**

** A rogue demon resisting against Satan comes to steal Johnny and replicate him into a demon killing machine-thingy man so he can rule the earth and become all powerful demon man. Poor Nny has to deal with this, Devi's raging hormones and trying to convince Squee that he's not as bad as he seems. Devi and squee team up to save Johnny and all of pathetic mankind. Romance! Drama! Carnage! Yay!**

**Please enjoy :]**

Chapter 1: Nny sure loves Cherry Brain-Freezies

The bright moonlight seeped in between the aged wooden boards leaving "X" shaped shadows on the floor of Johnny's living room. He sat, fetal position with his back against the torn up couch, humming Ode to Joy to himself.

"No one fucking understands this…they only see the vulgar outer layer of what I do. Mutilate people in the worst possible way imaginable. But do they ever think why I do it? Why I live with my hands forever covered in spilt blood of dirty scum? Not because it gives me some sick satisfaction…well…perhaps, only when it comes to the shitheads that have no integrity. But, other than them…DAMNIT!"

He interrupted his monologue because his throat suddenly got intensely dry. He got up slowly and opened his front door, gazing up at the stars.

He sighed, "I want to die."

-XxXxXxXx-

Hobos and Goth-wannabes littered the streets at night in the nameless wasteland of a town that Johnny inhabited. Hands in his pockets, he strolled over to the 24/7 for a cherry brain-freezy. Tonight he felt slightly different. He couldn't put his finger on it but something was not quite right. He passed by a darkened ally and heard a few snickers as he walked. His fists clenched as he slowed his pace, waiting for a comment to trigger him.

"Hey, fag! Where the FUCK did you get your hair cut? You look like a fuckin' cockroach with those antennas!" A lanky teenager yelled, his shaggy hair in front of his face, skateboard in hand.

Johnny whirled around and within a second the teenager was projectlie bleeding from his throat, one of Nny's machetes protruding from it.

"YOU IDIOT! LEARN HOW TO USE PROPER GRAMMAR! IT'S 'ANTENNAE'! IT INFURIATES ME WHEN PEOPLE DON'T SPEAK PROPERLY!"

The dead skater's girlfriend cursed at Johnny and tried to slap him. "You fucking retarded asshole! Why did you do that? You're so wacky! Fuck you!"

Johnny felt something snap inside his head. His eyes were wide, arms still at his sides, machete ready in each hand.

"You…said….that WORD! I'm SO SICK OF PEOPLE USING THAT WORD! WACKY! AREN'T THERE BETTER WORDS IN THE DICTIONARY?"

He pinned the girl to the ground and stuck both knives in her mouth, stretching it horizontally until her cheeks ripped apart, leaving her mouth sagging into a bloody mess. Her eyes widened as she frantically tried to run away for help. Johnny grabbed her by her hair.

He shook his head and said quite calmly, "Now, now, it's not polite to leave in the middle of a conversation."

With that he stabbed her right in the middle of her torso and began carving away. He whistled as he worked, ignoring the wimpy screams gurgling from her bloody throat.

He stood up with a rather content look on his face as he looked at what he had done. He put the machetes back into his pocket and continued on his way to the 24/7, leaving the girl seconds from death, sprawled on the sidewalk. A drawing (carving) of Happy Noodle Boy glistened in the moonlight with her blood.

"Stupid teenagers." Nny muttered to himself.

**:D There's the first chapter! Thank you for reading and please don't hesitate to review this with any tips and/or critisism. Also, if any of you have a good idea for a title of the the story, I would be most appreciative if you shared them with me. Thanks again for reading!**

**-K.G**


	2. Devi's Raging Hormones

**Okay, so here's chapter number 2. It's pretty short but it's just to get the plot moving along. Once that is, the chapters will get longer. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything of JtHM. All that doomy-licious stuff belongs to Jhonen Vasquez and his amazing brains. **

Chapter 2: Devi's Raging Hormones

Johnny walked in the 24/7 nonchalantly, staining the already dirty tile with his bloody footsteps. He whistled a happy tune as he filled up his mega-sized freezy cup with Cherry Doom goodness. It overflowed a bit from the cup and Johnny quickly licked it clean and also chugging nearly half of his cherry freezy. He sneaked a peek at the cashier, a childish look on his face, to see if anyone noticed what he did. He stole half of a freezy! The fiend! Quickly he filled it back up and rushed to the line to pay so he could go home. He slurped happily, not really paying attention to his surroundings. The girl in front of him spun around and blinded him with mace.

"Johnny! You sick bastard! It's because of you that I haven't left my house since that horrible date! The only reason I'm here is because I needed more supplies!" Devi screeched, clutching her one of many mace bottles.

It all happened so fast, Johnny dropped his brain-freezy.

"Devi?"

He blinked his eyes a few times, a bewildered look on his face. He looked down and saw his treat splattered on the floor. He felt his face grow hot with anger.

"what the HELL, Devi? I already apologized to you in that recorded message! I don't want to kill you anymore! Okay?"

Devi laughed. "You expect me to believe that load of bullshit? Just so you can catch me off guard! I don't THINK so!"

Johnny scratched his head and stood up straight, hands to his sides. He was trying to seem as harmless as possible. Pretty hard to do when one is drenched in blood.

"How did you know it was me anyway? You didn't even glance at me before to make sure it really was me."

Devi shuttered, still in her defensive stance. "I just knew. I can FEEL you, whenever you're near me I can feel it." She said in a spooky tone.

Johnny raised an eyebrow. "That sounds…..perverted, Devi."

Her facial expression was without emotion. Well, it looked like she was just bored. A few seconds later, her fists started shaking as she raised up a second can of mace. Johnny saw this one coming. He leaped on top the freezy machine just before the mace spray could get to him.

The cashier cleared his throat, "Uh….uhm could you two take ur fight, uh –cough- outside?"

Johnny pointed at him, "SILENCE, you lowly worm of a person! Can't you see I'm talking?"

Devi interrupted him, "Look, Nny. Just face it, I will NEVER forgive you for what happened that night! Because of you, I had to give up on dating! Not that it's much of a big deal…I paint a lot more now because of my stupid job but…anyway! Just go back to the hellhole you live in!"

Johnny's eyes looked at the floor, "They kicked me out because I didn't belong…"

Devi raised an eyebrow, "What?"

Johnny went wide-eyed and mumbled, "Nuthin'."

It was quiet after a few moments and a high pitched noise was going on in the background. It sounded like a gas leak.

Devi sniffed the air. "What…the fuck? Did you just FART, cashier man?"

The cashier man chuckled a little bit. "Took you long enough to figure that out. I broke my own record for longest fart." He said with a sick smile.

Johnny refrained himself from murdering the stinky cashier man in front of Devi. As if he needed her to hate him even more. He pushed the entry door open slightly.

"Nice to see you, Devi."

And he went on his way back home, Brain-freezyless.

**Like I said, it's just to move the story along and admittedly I know there's room...lots of room for improvement here! Alright well, expect to see Squee in the next chapter and a bit of the spooky demon guy! **

** -K.G.**


	3. Sad Little Squee

**Hello! Err..yes! After practically a year I have updated this story! My apologies for taking so damn long. I have no excuse, except that I started this story at a very inopportune time. It was hard balancing out these stories with my schoolwork, college isn't exactly a cake-walk, ya know? But I will try to update more frequently since after reading JtHM once more I have new inspiration for the story. So excuse me if this chapter is a bit wordy, but...erg. Plot development can sometimes be a bitch. SO! Without further adu, here is chapter three of my Johnny the Homicidal Maniac fanfiction. Please enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: So I don't own Squee or Shmee but the evil Demon, Herbert is of my own creation. Yay. **

Chapter 3: Sad Little Squee/ Evil Demon Man Guy

"Mooooommmmyyyy!" A high-pitched screech echoed from the small room at the back of the seemingly normal house.

Squee jolted up from his bed, his little squee-sized body drenched in sweat. He had another nightmare, one even his best friend Shmee couldn't take away. His lips trembled as he called for his mother again. No answer. He took a glance at the window. Ever since the spooky neighbor man came back from his "holiday" things have been a little quieter in Squee's life, weird huh?

He contemplated leaving the safe haven of his bed to go look for his mom since his loveless father was busy at work. Semi-quiet scratches and moans seethed through the floorboards of his bedroom, noises that Squee had grown used to because of all the bodies that were under there filling the tunnel that Nny had created. He snatched his stitched up bear and walked down the dark hallway. Cowering in fear, he stood in front of his parents' bedroom door. Even being in his own house gave the little Squee the shivers and shakies of terror! Again, in a shaky voice, he calls out to his mother softly as he opened the door.

"Mommy?" he called, eyes wide.

The room was dark, and smelled like something that Squee never smelled before. It was gross and stinky like a mildew covered cheeseburger stuffed in a sweaty gym-sock. In the corner of the room there was a flickering flame and what looked like three shadowed figures surrounding it. One of them turned, eyes red in the darkness.

"Squee!" He squeaked, clutching Shmee for dear life.

The other two figures turned, their eyes red as well.

OH NO! DEMONS! , he thought.

Shaking tremendously, Squee ran out of the room back to his own bed, locking the door and hiding under the covers.

**–Back in the parental bedroom-**

"God damnnit! Why is it so dark in here?"

The light was switched on and the three "demons" were actually two middle-aged women and a man, one of whom was Squee's mother. The male druggie stuck his arm with another needle of the concoction they made over the fire.

"Who was the brat?" He asked.

"Oh…just some kid that comes in and out sometimes. Nobody really loves him or takes care of him. He's so worthless, I'd hate to be his mother." His own mother replied, lost in her own acid-trip.

"How sad!" the other woman said as they all laughed and continued shooting themselves up with shit.

Squee's eyes flooded with tears as he let them fall onto Shmee's tattered fur.

"Maybe…maybe you're right, Shmee. Maybe Mommy and Daddy don't really love me at all. They just let me live here because they are at least human enough to not let me rot out in the street. Or be taken away by a hobo with corn in his hair." He sniffed, poking his head out of the blanket.

"At least the scary neighbor…Johnny, talks to me. At least he acknowledges my existence."

Just by the mere mention of his name, Squee shook a little bit. But he thought long and hard and came to the conclusion that Johnny wasn't so bad…once you looked over the whole homicidal maniac thing. He smiled at the memory of when he favored the name 'Squee' instead of 'Todd'. The moon rose slowly and the sky seemed to be getting darker. Squee heard footsteps echo the lonely street and jumped toward the window.

"Whew." He sighed with relief when he discovered it wasn't flesh-eating alien zombie clowns but only Johnny.

Squee made sure that he wouldn't be able to see him so he hid himself a little. He noticed that Johnny looked a bit upset by the way he was walking; his hands in his pockets, looking down at his feet.

"He must either REALLY like his boots or…something's bothering him." Squee contemplated thoughtfully.

He caught a last glimpse of Johnny as he looked up longingly at the night sky and stepped into his house. Squee huffed as he put a stubby finger to his chin in thought. "Shmee…" he started. "Let's go see what Johnny is up to."

After putting on his shoes, Squee and his teddy bear climbed out the window and made their way to the scary-neighbor-man's house for a visit.

-xXxXxXxXx-

The smell of moldy churritos and smoke filled the abyss that lingered in the area of Hell. Towering sky-scrapers and busy streets with expensive cars and thoughtless people occupied the newest extension of the urban habitat. Yet, separated from the human occupants of Hell, on the far side of the city is a plain-looking building. A plain sign atop the plain sliding doors read: HELL. INC. It's rather plain.

Inside the building, are cubicles with demons typing vigorously at computers. Yet, these demons aren't the spooky ones that you would see in your nightmares. These are the diluted (if you will) versions of your terrors. Yes, they can be spooky…when they want too. But here at Hell Inc. , they need to maintain a professional image so they have the appearance of humanoids with colored skin, various spikes, scales, talons and such.

Past the watercooler room and the copy room is a lone cubical, outcast because of how unpopular the demon employee inside of it is. A demon hula-girl toy is swishing her hula skirt and there is a mini waterfall thing that people usually buy but never actually use so they put in the corner where nobody can see it, on the small desk. The nametag read "**HELLO, MY NAME IS: HERBERT**" on the loose fitting white button-up shirt. The demon wearing the shirt, as we now know as Herbert, (what a silly name for a demon! HAHA!) typed away furiously, hating his life. His job was to catalogue all the new entries for the people entering Hell and for the past several years, there were many humans that were coming from one town, dozens at a time. This intrigued him but he gave it no more thought when his stomach checked his watch; it was Hell-forty-five, time for his break. Exasperated, he left the cubicle and made his way to the cafeteria.

He was a lanky excuse for a demon, even in his spooky form, the other demons laughed at him for not being spooky enough. They said he was as spooky as a five year-old girl dressed up as a bunny. And that's not very spooky. He loosened his tie as he past the watercooler, over hearing some co-worker demons gossiping about some murderer from the top-side, the Overworld.

"Someone from the Living?" gasped a demon with beehive style hair and pink overly done demon claws.

"That HAS to be impossible! At least EVERY human has some sanity in them!"

Another demon shook their head. "No no, not this one. I heard that he killed a guy, with only a rubber band and a paper clip!"

Yet another demon chimed in," Who cares HOW he does it? What matters is the numbers he brings in here! He surpasses so many serial killers, even Thug Behram himself!"

Herbert stopped in his tracks to take a listen. This…this might be what I need! , he thought.

"But why does he kill all these people? I've heard that he doesn't even know the people he killed!"

A rather plump looking demon put his own two cents in, "I heard from the big D-man himself…that this kid…is a WASTELOCK."

Suddenly a crowd of more than ten demons crowded around the fat one.

"Really?"

"A kid?"

"How impressive!"

"I wonder if he'll fuck a demon.."

The fat one raised his hand in silence. "Now…this human is very fragile despite his intelligence and hostility. We can't continue talking about him like this for fear that Senor Diablo will find out."

"Well, why would he be bothered by us talking about the killer human?"

The fat demon answered slowly, "Because he is DANGEROUS. And it is no business of ours to be interfering with the topside."

A demon stopped him with one last question before the fat demon-supervisor left the room.

"Well what's his name! At least tell us that!"

An eerie silence filled the room, you could hear a pin drop.

"Johnny C."

Herbert, with a big fanged smile on his face, ran back to his cubicle forgetting about his empty belly.

"Finally! This might be my chance to prove my worth! To overthrow that stupid Senor Diablo and make Hell what it should be! A firey abyss with souls wretching and begging for a chance to repent against the sins that they did when they were alive! All I needed was a specimen. One specimen to gain insight…he shall be my Alpha!"

Herbert continued to monologue as he went on the search database to find out this Johnny C.'s current location.

"My life of solitude will NOT be in vain! All the years of planning, creating a vicious demon army that will scourge the land of the Overworld and all will tremble in fear of me! But wait…I cannot be feared with the name 'Herbert'. Hmm…I guess I could change it to— "

The computer beeped with a search result of Johnny's location. The monitor's light reflected off of Herbert's glasses, the thought of changing his name slowly leaving his thoughts as excitement grew. He smiled evilly and began to laugh...evilly.

"At last I will be looked down upon no more! Let my army begin! Johnny C.! Beware! For Herbert the Demon will soon be at your doorstep and let Hell begin it's reign in the Overworld! Mwahahaha! Hahaha! Buah-hahaha!"

He was standing on top of his desk, hands clenched in victory. When he opened his eyes he saw his collegues staring at him in disbelief.

"Shut up, Herbert!"

**So the ending probably sucks, I know. But as I said before, PLOT DEVELOPMENT! There should be more action in the next chapter, which I have already outlined! And that means that it should be up in no more than a week. I am rusty at this "fictional writing" as all I have been writing recently are research reports and the like. So please feel free to review and tell me what you liked or what needed work. I'd appreciate it! Thank you,**

** -K.G. **


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